Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
