i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
