I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
