just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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