You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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