Plan B is the new Plan A
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
