I think I won the penis lottery.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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