Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
