just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
