come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize