she woke up with a sticky ear
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
