where does the pee come out of this thing
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
