Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sober January is a disaster.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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