no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
