Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
