i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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