That's intense
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
