I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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