dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
