I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
