just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
