My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
