I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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