in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my poor anus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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