plz talk dirty to me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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