At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
