thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
