That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
