I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
