kristin has been a bad kristin
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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