I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
