A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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