im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
