I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
