Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
