so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
