getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
