I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His hands were made for my vagina.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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