Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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