I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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