I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
