I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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