Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
