You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
