you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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