dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
