You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
