$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
