i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
