I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
