Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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