she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
