She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
