I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
