There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize