I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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