Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do vagina's smell?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
