They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
