Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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