Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
