When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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