I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
